Fear-Forward

The Posture of Possibility

“Fear consistently follows inspiration. As soon as we receive an invitation to create, fear rears its head. What can we do about it?

Acknowledge the fear, and then advance beyond it to the terrifying but marvelous terrain of unknown outcome. Again and again.”

Meditation, Guy Wilkinson 1917

Taking Inventory

What don’t I like in my mental life?

Fear… limited belief… low self-esteem/self-worth… imposter syndrome… procrastination/perfectionism… the lack of will, the lack of courage… my hesitation to try things... getting stuck in the drama of the small mind... obsession with control… the drag of doubt.

Keep going. What else? Where is there friction?

Negative patterns… a habit of immediately imagining the worst case/failed outcome… needing the ideal environment to feel ready… delaying any effort because of uncertainty… experiencing premature hints of resignation where there could be resolve… replaying unhelpful narratives... misplacing value on ideas that don’t deserve it… “losing my music.”

Ok. Good. Now, where’s the root? What do I have to unlearn?

Epistulae Morales ad Lucilium, Seneca 65 AD

Buggy Philosophy

Therapy suggests looking at childhood. Maybe. But I don’t have any vivid memories that explain it. What I do remember is joy - playing outside, feeling delighted to be alive, growing up in a close and loving family.

Middle and high school? No defining “wound” there either. Of course there were hard moments, but I managed. Mostly I remember driving around with friends, daydreaming freely, and fully believing in the future...

If I had to trace it, I’d say the shift came in early adulthood - subtle, gradual, and entirely reasonable at the time. With the first brushes of heartbreak and existential unease, I picked up a buggy philosophy and wore it all too well.

It’s best exemplified by the Stoic’s premeditation…

“What are you hoping for? Premeditate it won't happen.

What are you proudest of? Premeditate it will be ruined.

Who do you rely on? Premeditate they will let you down.

Who do you love? Premeditate they will leave you.

Does the ground seem solid? Premeditate an earthquake.

Do you expect to live long? Premeditate your death before nightfall.”

I understand its intended purpose: to steady the mind, to protect the heart, to prepare us for the pain of some of life’s inevitable disappointments. In a word: to keep us psychologically safe.

I know those merits intimately. I’ve carried a cheerful despair and practiced a careful philosophical pessimism. And - at certain times, in certain seasons - it’s really helped me. It’s tempered the storms and given me the renunciate’s high of detachment when I needed it most.

Thank you, Seneca! Thank you, Schopenhauer!

Thank you, Alain! Thank you, Ryan!

But somewhere along the way, I made the classic mistake: I took a helpful idea and turned it into a worldview. I don’t think I did it consciously - we never do - but I let that mindset burrow in until it was running on autopilot and coloring a dominant layer of my mental activity.

“Intellectual life is the art of building a better toolkit. Our thoughts are instruments we employ to engage with the world, and the quality of that engagement depends on the suitability of the tools and their condition.”

I’ll keep the tool, but I’ll use it only for the situations that ask for it - and not a moment more. Instead, I’ll try picking up another:

Something cowboy-ish:

“trying things > unconsolable regret”

mixed with something Eastern,

“I welcome any outcome.”

Untitled, Baud Postma 2025

Fear-Forward

I’m orienting myself toward a posture of possibility. Even if it’s just 51% in favor of “maybe it’ll work” over “maybe it won’t” - that slim edge is enough to tip the scale. My hope is that if I can think this way, I’ll be more likely to follow what moves me, stretch in meaningful ways, and share my gifts more freely. I won’t hold back as much or shrink my experience to fit the safer script - I’ll live a little more wide, open, and ignited.

To support that change, I’m committing to some necessary re-alignments:

• false assumptions ⇢ recognizing assumptions as unskillful

• pessimistic friends ⇢ cultivating the friendship of optimists

• laziness ⇢ questioning my reasons for inaction; delaying no longer

• excessive humility ⇢ not being proud, yet owning what I have to offer

It’s hard to imagine wanting something badly, thinking I have a chance to achieve it, and then doing nothing about it. How?

Over the next few issues, I’ll be playing with elements in the newsletter. I’m letting myself experiment a bit more, so the medium can evolve alongside the message (and the messenger). Here’s what’s on the horizon:

1. Starting a radio station, and

2. Building a “better mind toolkit”

Stay tuned,